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Monday, August 30, 2004
I am so braindead today. I really didn't want to get up this morning; I kept trying to convince Dennis that in yesterday's reading from the letter to the Hebrews, "let the marriage bed be undefiled" really meant that your wife should be allowed to hit the snooze alarm as many times as she wants to. Hey, it's not the weirdest interpretation of Paul I've ever seen.
I've now come down off my little Skool high and am freaking out slightly about Time Management issues. Feeling a bit overwhelmed I am.
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Sunday, August 29, 2004
Liturgics may well be the death of me. At some point, I blocked out of my mind the fact that deacons sometimes have to...I can barely say it...sing. Including a very long piece, the Exsultet, at the Easter Vigil. There doesn't seem to be a way around this, other than always getting a terrible cold right before Easter, and after a couple of years, someone would probably catch on to that one. Sigh. I don't sing well. Small children cry when I sing. So I need to deal with that.
This morning in class we all did various readings, formatting them the way one would for different services (saying The Word of the Lord vs. Here Ends The Reading, for example, and prefacing the name of the reading correctly). I'm not a good lector, generally, because I read way too fast. Which of course I did again this morning. Must practice that one.
I only have two classes on Sundays, the liturgical one and then Empowering Groups. I have to lead some kind of group that meets several times between now and December. I can't decide if I should wimp out and just start a knitting group, or see about running a small group at St. Ned's. I've been trained for that and SassyPriest asked me about it a couple of months ago, but I fear taking on one more thing. I'm already feeling pretty overwhelmed after this weekend.
My brain is done and ready for the proverbial cosmic fork. Meanwhile, I think a bath followed by a tour of what's on the TiVo is my destiny for this evening.
Something from my liturgics class handouts:
When the guru sat down to worship each evening, the ashram cat would get in the way and distract the worshipers. So he ordered that the cat be tied during evening worship.
After the guru died the cat continued to be tied during evening worship. And when the cat died, another cat was brougt to the ashram so that it could be duly tied during evening worship.
Centuries later learned treatises were written by the guru's disciples on the religious and liturgical significance of tying up a cat while worship is performed.
-Anthony de Mello
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Saturday, August 28, 2004
First day of Skool down! I was kind of groggy, since for some reason I couldn't get to sleep last night, and chapel starts at 7:45 a.m. on Saturdays, so I was up way too early. Then I had three hours of Christian Mythos, then lunch, then three hours of Bible Study I, then an hour and a half of Opening the Prayerbook, followed by evening prayer, followed by a mixer. The mixer had a Fiesta theme and I got to be the first one to have a go at the pinata. I am so not a Jedi Knight, but I did manage to connect with it a few times.
Of course, all of the first-years were equally punchy, since none of us slept last night. It's nice to remember than anxiety is universal. When I finally did get to sleep, of course I had one of those oh-no-I-forgot-to-study-for-the-final dreams. But, really, I'm just fine with being back in school, and with the fact that I have a crapjillion papers to write already, and more classes to attend tomorrow.
I'm going to go pick Dennis up from work, and we are getting Indian takeout, and then I am putting my monkey ass to bed.
[edit] No Indian takeout! Our favorite joint got a rave in the Chronicle yesterday, and now you can't even get through on the phone. Waaah! They're good people, so I'm really happy for them, but I wanted my palak paneer, dammit.
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Friday, August 27, 2004
Leigh's prizewinning pumpkins have FINALLY been posted on the PumpkinMaster's site. She has first prize in the lettering and animals categories. Click on the pumpkins to see a bigger photo.
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We have a major remodeling project going on at St. Ned's right now. We're moving the sound booth from it's center-back location to a side-back location. The new booth is built and it's lovely and so much less intrusive than the old one, which prevented you from seeing who was on the other side of the church. The old booth got knocked down on Monday - if you invite people to come to church and hit things with sledgehammers, you're pretty much assured a good turnout. Especially if you promise them pizza and beer. If the beer doesn't have twist-tops and you don't actually bring a bottle opener, you won't even be out that much beer at the end of the night. The person in charge swears that was not intentional, though.
There's a big hole in the carpet where the old booth was, so we ordered a piece of carpet to patch it. Something got garbled at some point in the process, and a roll of hot pink carpet just arrived. Which would be fine if the old carpet wasn't blue. So that's back on the truck and we'll get the right one next week. We briefly considered redoing the church in hot pink, but it wouldn't be ready by Sunday in any case, so we'll just put down a throw rug for now.
[edited for horrible grammar/spelling - I swear they didn't give me the leftover beer!]
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Thursday, August 26, 2004
I got the computer to be happy again.
Today hasn't been at all what I expected. The technology detour ate up most of my day, and I was already behind. Grrrrr.
A woman I'll call Patty stopped by the church tonight as I was trying to wrap up; she's a not-quite-street-person, living perpetually close to the edge, and I usually can gather up some food for her out of the kitchen when she stops in. She goes to church, although not at St. Ned's, and is actively working on getting her life pulled together. She comes in and sits for a while and we talk about how good God is to us. Seeing her tonight was a good antidote to yesterday's phone unpleasantness, and I told her that I really appreciated her coming and ministering to me. If you're of a praying sort, pray for Patty tonight. God will know who you're talking about.
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What I really fucking need today is for the hard drive in the main fileserver to start fucking fucking up. Yes. That's exactly what I need. If you're looking for me, I'll be up to my elbows in hell.
Also, my underwear is too big and is falling off me and, until the computer started giving me guff, that was the worst thing about my day.
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
I got an ad in the mail for bar code readers, because apparently bar codes are the future of the church office.
I'm sort of disappointed that they're just talking about using them to keep track of pledge envelopes, and not parishioners.
"hey, haven't seen you around much!" "what do you mean, I was here on Sunday!" "that's not what the GodScan says!"
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I suppose every church has this little fringe of dysfunctional people who sort of hang around the edges and try to get what they need and get really mad when they don't get it. It isn't like the people who just want food or money and will tell you what they need; these are the people who think we're obligated to be nice to them no matter how they behave.
Most of the time, it's a phone-based relationship for me, because they don't actually come to church all that often, they just call and want me to listen to them. The first call is usually ok, but then it works out that I don't give enough, and then they start getting angry on the subsequent calls. I just got bitched out by someone who didn't think I was responding to her appropriately when she started listing what was wrong with her life and the inadequacy of the church's response to that.
I put her on hold when another call came in, because one of the things that actually IS my job is to answer the phone here. So she hung up and called back on another line.
Clearly, this is going to have to be a big part of my formation over the next three years, because it pushes every single one of my buttons. Right now, I'm pissed off, while also feeling totally inadequate because part of me actually thinks I should have been able to do something for her.
The hardest thing for me to grasp is that the church can't fix everybody. We can't. We're not in the business of fixing, of propping things up so you can make it another day and keep doing the same old stuff. You want to be totally changed, we can do that, but it's gonna hurt and you have to be on board for it. We can't just make your kids call more often, or make your marriage better, or give you peace with a wave of the hand. Those things might happen eventually, but we can't just hand them out like candy.
It would be cool if that's what I was called to be, like one of Santa's favorite elves. But it's not. I'm called to...well, I'm not really sure, but I think part of it is that I have to point to God and to Jesus and say, look, here's the way to go. It's not always the easiest, and you're really going to hate it at least a couple of times, but you don't have to go alone. Here's your cross, let's go.
TheRev puts this as, it's not our job to be nice, it's our job to be good, and I think I'm going to get that as a tattoo. On my forehead. Backwards, so it's there when I look in the mirror.
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Monday, August 23, 2004
I'm almost burned out on scarves, I think. So, it's time to start an actual sweater: Flower Girl by Monkeysuits:
I just got a bunch of pink Goa cotton/acrylic yarn by GGH (thank you, ebay), so I'm doing the main body in light pink, and probably doing the petal part in a darker pink, or maybe another color, like apricot or lime. I don't have to decide right now, since that part happens last, and also because this yarn is a pain to track down and I may not get a lot of choices. I'm making the 24 month size, even though BabyK is 11 months, so hopefully she'll get to wear it for a while, maybe with the cuffs turned back at first.
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My books for classes are starting to show up. I got most of them via Abebooks. If you don't know that site, it's pretty much the ultimate use of the internet, a way to search used bookstores all over the world. Sometimes it's cheaper than used copies at Amazon, and sometimes it's not, but the selection is usually better. Whatever you've been looking for - it's there. I was able to get one of the allowed editions of a required bigass book on the Old Testament for $12, shipped, and the new one is $66 at Amazon, or used for $40. Yay. Thrift is to be applauded in training for the diaconate, as it's one of the few courses of study where you're actually expected to be poorer after you graduate.
Disorientation on Saturday was good. The other people in the Class of 2007 seem like they're going to be a lot of fun. We got copies of the giant Chapel Playbook, which contains instructions for all of the liturgical roles.
The Lay Eucharistic Minister fakes right, and then runs around the Deacon to grab the lavabo bowl, and passes it to the Lector, who dodges the Acolyte and slips back behind the altar, tackling the Celebrant....
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I've managed to get good and sick...some kind of flu thing where my entire body hurts and my brain isn't working right. Sigh. I wish my immune system function and my stress level weren't so closely related.
So, since I can't actually form rational thoughts, here is a repost of something from my Skool for Deacons mailing list:
The other correct answer to "How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?" is:
1 Celebrant to bless the new bulb.
3 Acolytes to sit around and make faces.
1 Organist to write a hymn to praise the new bulb.
1 church secretary to make up the special bulletin insert with the bulb-blessing ceremony.
15 Choir singers (minimum) to sing said hymn.
1 Junior Warden to remove old bulb and replace it with new bulb.
1 Assistant clergy to give eulogy on the old bulb.
100-200 member members to answer, "We Will" when the Celebrant asks: "Will you who witness this do all in your power to support this new light?"
5-10 people to form a new congregation using the old bulb.
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Thursday, August 19, 2004
Thanks to the alert reader who spotted another liver mug on ebay, I now know that it was made to promote Actos, a medication for diabetes. If you search on Actos, you will find all manner of organ-related goodies. There were at least seven mugs:
I'm now reminding myself that I don't need a beanbag pancreas. Not even a little bit.
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I noticed yesterday that I have a wedding ring tanline. Heh. I can't believe it's been three months already.
I'm kind of out of it today because the dog was in Pacing Mode last night, and didn't calm down until after 2:00. There's usually one night like this whenever I take care of her, so it's not unexpected, just tiring. I treated myself to a yummy breakfast of lox cream cheese with a tiny bit of bagel this morning.
Oh, shit, I've become someone who blogs about what she eats, and it's not even interesting stuff.
Mostly I'm just freaking out about starting skool, which is possibly even less interesting than hearing about what I had for breakfast. I have orientation on Saturday. Spouses are invited, so Dennis is going to come along until he has to leave for work. He's letting me frame it as, "hey, won't this be interesting for you, to hear all about what I'll be doing!" but we both know that he's there to keep me from bolting out of the room. God is scaring me lately. It's one thing to be sort of dicking around with one's calling and feeling all special, as I have been for the past however many years, and another thing entirely to actually go to the school cafeteria and get a bunch of papers and a festive binder which seem to indicate that you're actually doing something about it.
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Monday, August 16, 2004
A/V Fest on Saturday was deeply fun. You can read all about the food over on Braisin' Hussy. It was So. Freaking. Good. Especially the lime/basil syrup, which was mixed with sparkling water to make the Oddly Refreshing Drink. I also think that the liver mug may have a future as a serving dish for that liver mousse she made.
We watched selections from a collection of old mental hygiene movies from the 50s, which came from Something Weird Video. I'm not sure if I really learned anything, except that girls in tight plaid pants probably have syphilis. There was also one about a girl who reads the Diary of Anne Frank and then starts acting like she's Jewish and gets shunned by her friends, but I'm not totally clear on what the Very Important Lesson is there. There was another film with a terrifying ventriloquist dummy warning us about...something...but oddly not warning us that ventriloquist dummies are REALLY DEEPLY DISTURBING when they're dressed up like cops.
I highly recommend the excellent book, Mental Hygiene: Classroom Films 1945-1970 for anyone who enjoys this sort of thing as much as I do.
The filmstrip lamps turned out great. I especially liked Ryan's. She used a filmstrip series about pregnancy, which featured odd little cartoon drawings which made absolutely no sense without narration. We made up our own captions. "You currently have a Virginia ham and two sausages inside you." "Don't have sex while riding a horse when you're pregnant." "Ice cream makes you throw up" It's quite brilliant.
My life would really suck if I didn't have such amazingly cool people around me.
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I'm taking care of my friend's place and their dog for the rest of August. Dennis came over this weekend to hang out with me, and, as always, the dog was delighted to have him there, because I'm ok, but Dennis is the Man. He's better than walkies and a whole package of cheese, and this is a dog who really likes her cheese.
He has a way with kids and dogs. They just love him.
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Saturday, August 14, 2004
I've been really annoyed with my new laptop, because I haven't been able to get the wireless network thingy to work. I tried to hook up my new wireless router on Tuesday, and succeeded in, well, in making Dennis' evening much less pleasant because it didn't work and it was clearly his fault even though he wasn't actually interacting with the network in any way. So, I hooked up the old router and have been grudgingly tethered to an ethernet cable.
I am now over at Casa de Jon & Ryan, because I thought I would see if I could get on their wireless network to be sure the problem wasn't the laptop. And it didn't work here, either. Grrrr. I had visions of having to ship the laptop to Shanghai dancing in my head, and was flipping the thing over to see if I could access the card, or spank it or something. Then I handed it over to Jon, who noticed something interesting.
A button right above the keyboard. Marked wireless.
Um, yeah. Everything works now. The button even lights up when it's on and your wireless card is awake.
Where do I go to turn in my Big Geek ID card?
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Friday, August 13, 2004
Ryan and I made a filmstrip lamp last night:
We're having A/V Fest tomorrow to make more of them with friends, so we thought we should figure out the process first.
We got the idea off craftster, but the instructions were sort of vague and we had to figure it out on our own. Basically, you start with a GRÖNÖ lamp from Ikea, then make a little slipcover for it by sewing together filmstrips. I got the filmstrips off ebay; they're going really cheap since they're not exactly the bleeding edge of classroom instruction. The lamp here uses strips from a series about ecology and city life from the 70s. Anyway, you sew the strips together by hand, because sewing them by machine does not work. Trust me on this. We tried it. The hand-sewing goes quickly, though, and is a mindless activity and therefore suited to socializing. You can put two strips together (a paperclip helps minimize the rolling problem) and whip them together through the holes on the edges. We used perl cotton. Assuming you haven't sewn them too tightly (ahem) you can then flatten them out so the strips are side-by-side. We're planning to put fray-check over the knots at the top and bottom so we can cut the ends off tightly without losing the knots. It takes twelve strips to make a cover, three for each side. We found that if you leave a little extra filmstrip above the sewn part, it will curl over and the edges will look nice. We found that out by not really doing it on purpose, which is why this is a prototype.
I have filmstrips on various topics, including handtool safety, building codes, childcare, a weird cartoon one about being pregnant, marriage, and architechture. Also a biblical one which is going to be my new desk lamp.
After the craft fest, we will go to the San Mateo Country Fair to see Hookslide and boggle at the vast variety of things that can be deep-fried.
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Thursday, August 12, 2004
Remember when I said that we had a leak in the kitchen, and that it was allegedly fixed? Check out what popped up:
The hole in the wall is where I need to re-mount the fire extinguisher, and I guess it was the perfect spot for an opportunistic mushroom. I'm really creeped out by what must be back there. This is not a conversation with Crazy Landlord that I'm looking forward to.
Hint: do not google things like 'wall fungus' if you want to sleep tonight.
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Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I love that the Google ads on the left are helping to pay my hosting costs, but what really delights me is seeing what it latches onto for ads. Google scans the content of the page and serves up the ads based on whatever it thinks the site is about.
Apparently my blog is all about livers now, thanks to the Liver Mug post. All of today's ads are liver-related.
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I am pretty much wrung out from my trip. Dennis wanted to call in sick for both of us today and maybe I should have let him. Things are still tense at St. Ned's, but having gotten some distance, I care slightly less. Or maybe I'm just on overload still and not much else can get through. I didn't really do a lot of processing while I was in Tennessee, so there's all this deferred grief waiting to pounce at any moment.
Saying goodbye to my grandmother was hard. And rather funny, since she was having hallucinations and was convinced that there was a cat in the room. My dad shoo'd it out for her, but it came back in. Apparently it was a funny-looking little cat, and she was amused by it. Anyway, the imaginary kitty kept the moment from getting all heavy and serious so maybe it was a gift, a nicer memory than I would have had otherwise.
I got another one of those 'Jesus would like you better if you didn't have such a bad attitude' emails today. Sigh. While I know intellectually that not everyone gets me, there are days when I just don't fucking need to hear about it. See? There's that bad attitude again.
Best thing today: reading Mimi Smartypants' take on magazines.
I didn't have to sit next to anyone on the flight home. I'm kind of sad I flew through Detroit instead of Memphis this time, because apparently there's a big Elvis celebration this week and it might have made for some interesting people-watching on my layover. I like the shuttle at the Detroit airport that takes you to the farthest gates, though.
I'm a little surprised that I was able to bring my size 17 bamboo knitting needles on the plane with me. Seriously, had there been a vampire-related emergency, I could have handled it because those needles are giant spikes. But I knit a quick fluffy blue scarf on the first leg of my trip and that made me happy. It looks like Cookie Monster met with a horrible accident.
I think the plan for this week should be, Don't Make Any Decisions. I have that shredded-apart feeling inside which causes me to want to set things in order, but my judgment sucks when I feel this way. I do stupid things in this state. My anxiety about starting skool is taking on fierce proportions, and it would be pretty easy to decide not to do it at all. So, my life is a no-decision zone. I can pick my own food and my own outfits (some would argue I shouldn't be permitted that) and that's it.
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Saturday, August 07, 2004
For posterity, here is the vase that hit my grandmother in the head, as described in this post. It looks like it could do some damage.
As promised, there was thrifting today. I have no rational explanation for why this exists:
Yes, it's a liver-shaped mug. Says so right on the bottom.
He raises so many questions...was he part of a set of mugs in the shape of various vital organs? Is it a tie-in to a failed cartoon series, and if so, what was the liver's superpower? Does drinking things out of a liver make them yummier somehow? Would it be the right thing to serve hot cider in with a slice of thorax cake? (can't sleep...cake will eat me)
I also scored some fun yarn from the half-price bin at the big yarn store in Knoxville, including the perfect thing for a certain deeply silly project I can't talk about right now. Spies.
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Friday, August 06, 2004
I made it. The flight yesterday was relatively uneventful, although I spent the flight from Memphis to Knoxville sitting in front of someone whose life has been very very very affected by the Left Behind series, and she needs to talk about it right now. Had there not been a small screwup on the part of someone who couldn't read the row numbers, I would have been sitting next to her, listening to blah blah blah Rapturedoodles. I got on the plane late because I had twenty minutes to make my connection, and the Memphis airport is actually quite humid, so I pretty much had to swim to the correct concourse. I just grabbed an available seat in the next row. Bullet dodged. Honestly, I was already on edge from sitting next to Mme Elbowson from Jab County on the flight to Memphis, and I think that having to nod politely was just beyond my scope at that point.
Today my mom and I visited a yarn store (I got more Cascade 220, and did in fact get it wrapped into a ball on the store's machine...thanks go to whomever mentioned that little tip), and a seriously Christian lunch spot. Scripture painted on the wall, staff in Born Again t-shirts, bibles and devotional books slipped next to the napkin dispenser on every table, and the best curry chicken salad I have ever had. I can't imagine the place existing in the bay area, and not just because my lunch was $3.99. It's interesting being in a place where religion is more out in front. It's not good or bad...just interesting.
The best thing about being married to a writer is that I get really nice love notes in my email box when I'm away. I miss the Dennis.
I saw my grandmother today. She was having a good day, and was relatively present. The hardest thing (ok, not THE hardest) is that there's nothing that really brings her pleasure. There's nothing that any of us can do to make a difference for her. My grandfather loves my mom's chocolate cake, for example, and when we brought him home after dinner tonight, he playfully waved the empty Ziploc at my mom as he took his last piece out of the freezer. So tomorrow, she will get up and make cake and wrap up single servings and take them to his freezer. There's no way to take care of my grandmother in a similar fashion. Her skin is so fragile she can barely be touched. She has compression fabric tubes on her arms and legs to protect her from the everyday handling of the staff.
My grandfather actually looks pretty good, considering he's going to be 89 in a few months. He was out in his woodshop "making sawdust" this morning before he went over to see his wife. He stays through the afternoon (mom says sometimes she comes in and he is snoring away in the chair while grandma snores away in her bed), and helps her eat dinner. There's so much tenderness there.
Tomorrow we're going to run around, go to another yarn shop and some thrift stores. I haven't thrifted in months, so I'm lookiing forward to that, especially since I always have better thrift karma when I'm out of the bay area. My dad will be able to hang out with us since he doesn't have to work. He's a part-time Red Shirt at Target. I think it's as much about being out of the house as it is about supplementing his pension and SS check. My parents moved down here to take care of my grandparents and have been absorbed with that since day one, so they don't really have a local network. I worry about them.
Oh, and happy 14th birthday to ubercool niece Sarah!
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Wednesday, August 04, 2004
I knit the Sophie purse. It took a while because when I got the big hank of Cascade Quatro yarn, I went to put it into a ball and it all went horribly, horribly wrong. I ended up with a giant tangle that even the cat didn't want to get involved with. It took me two evenings to untangle it all. Sigh.
Anyway, the bag knit up pretty quickly, and I felted it at Ryan's last night. This is actually my second felted bag. From the first one (the Booga Bag), I learned that when the instructions say to put the bag in a pillowcase, one should listen. Or else one will be stuck having to explain to one's best friend that the inside of her washer has been lint-bombed. So believe the pillowcase. The pillowcase also protects the bag should you throw in something (for weight, to increase the agitation for the felting) which is also a lint-producer, like a new bathmat. The reason there is no photo of the first bag is that I still have to pick all the white lint off it. Me = not so clever.
I have the pattern for the Madeline Bag by the same designer, and will probably be attempting that one soon. I have another three skeins of kureyon to do another Booga on my trip. I'm very happy that I can take knitting on the plane. I have bamboo circular needles, which look very non-threatening. I recently ordered a copy of Monkeysuits from Amazon, which will hopefully be here when I get back from Knoxville, so I can knit something for BabyK the Fairy Godchild. I figure my first sweater should be baby size so that if I screw it up I don't have to tear out as much.
I'm getting on a plane tomorrow to see my parents and try to help out with my grandparents. My grandmother is still alive, she's out of the hospital and into a nursing home. I'm bringing Wedding: The Roadshow with me. I have photos, the video, some monkey brides and cocktail monkeys, my headpiece (so that I can wear it while presenting), and some of the ceiling decorations. I wish Dennis could be there, too, but it's probably best that I'm going alone and can just roll up my sleeves and get to work. Or drag my mom to every yarn store in Knoxville.
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Monday, August 02, 2004
This is August's image on our office calendar:
from Life at St. Swithin's.
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My comments have been short-circuiting for the past couple of days. I think I've fixed the glitch, but if you have any problems, please drop me a line and let me know! Sigh. Technology.
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Sunday, August 01, 2004
Yesterday when I got my mail, there was an envelope from Redemption Headquarters. This delighted me for some reason. Our team is working on your redemption right now. We feel you are making excellent progress, and could be redeemed by mid-2005. It was actually our installation rebate from TurboFridge.
I finished sewing the baptism dress at around 2:00 this morning. That wasn't exactly the plan, but hey, it got done and BabyK was quite adorable in it. She even tolerated the bonnet, which I figured was going to be a 'quick, snap a picture before she tears it off' kind of item. I'll post a photo soon.
SassyPriest did the baptism. She's great with babies, and held K near the font so that K could put her hands in the water and get used to the whole 'water' concept first. She did a handful of water each for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and K was all smiles. After her head was dried off, she was still close enough to reach the water, so she put her hand in and then smacked it open-palm into her own face. It was so cute, like she was trying to get a bit extra. She got a wafer at communion for the first time this morning. I could see her mouth working afterwards; I don't imagine she's ever had anything quite that texture before.
This week is going to be interesting, since I'm leaving for Knoxville on Thursday.
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