Angels We Have Heard
Are High

angelic kitsch...from Hell

Cavalcade of Bad Nativities
it came upon a midnight weird

The Passion of the Tchotchke
holy week kitsch-o-rama

Stations of the Kitsch


I am not responsible for the content of the above ads, which are often hilariously mis-matched.



mad max: beyond glitterdome

Look, I don't care if you ARE the son of God, it's still considered rude to hover over your dinner guests in a giant glitter ball.

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I can't fly this thing I don't know how it works

When I think about the Ascension, I always think of the Lord ascending...I dunno...gracefully? With dignity? There's a sense here that he's not really comfortable with the fact that his clothes are flapping around. More ascending, less flailing.

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what not to wear: the Jesus edition

I think a person could write a whole thesis on the sins of these polyester ties.

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bread goes up, bread goes down. bread goes up, bread goes down.

I have one of these somewhere. It's a floaty pen, and the bread and chalice slide back and forth along the table.

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Jesus saves

I generally prefer things which are sincere and just accidentally hilarious. Kitsch that knows it's kitsch...eh. But I'll make an exception for this:

Yes, it's the Lord in the garden at Gethsemane...but he's totally happy to hold on to your coins, since it's not like he was busy or anything. Not like it was important. Just bring your pieces of silver over here and drop them between Jesus' hands. Jerk.

You can buy it at stupid.com. I <heart> stupid.com, home of the Singing Blender, which was named Most Annoying Object Ever by my former roommates Bud and Eddie.

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black light not included

It's good that The Velvet Store exists. Otherwise, you couldn't get a painting of yourself (or perhaps your rector...) as Elvis on black velvet.

Or, there's ebay, for your black velvet Jesus painting needs (and you know you have them!)...

Do you ever wonder about the moment when the artist is faced with the blank piece of black velvet, waiting for inspiration to arrive?

"If it is possible, let this paint-by-number pass from me..."

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washed in the blood of the lamp

My original plan was to stay away from the crucifixion imagery here. It's not really my thing, but it's important to other people, etc. But then I saw this auction for a pair of identical Jesus on the cross lamps, and my resolve cracked.

Mostly, it's the package. As they said in the fine movie Saved!, this gives new meaning to the phrase "hung on a cross" - downplay the genitals a bit, ok? This is a family set of lamps. Really hideous lamps, although the copy says they would be great for any home or office. Or a fantastic gift idea!

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I don't know how to love this

The item description says it better than I could:

This is a very nice looking clock that has The Last Supper Photo with Fiber Optic Lights decorating it. It has a Quartz clock on the bottom that uses (1) "AA" battery, not included, and a 6 foot cord. Once you plug in the cord, small fiber optic dots light up the photo in various areas, blink on and off, and change colors. You'll be amased at the site of this wonderful clock. This piece is 9 1/2" x 2" x 9 3/4". You will love putting this in any room of your home, office, or they make a perfect gift idea.
Buy it now for $29.99.

I'm intrigued by the idea of it being a photo, myself. Ok, apostles, I want you to crowd in around Jesus...Peter, put down the salt shaker. Big smiles, everyone! Look at the camera!

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under the sea

I actually like this, because I'm into Mexican folk art, but I'm including it because it is, at this point, the only example I can find of the last supper as portrayed by mermaids.

In fact, it's the only example I can find of the last supper that isn't populated by humans. Given how many animals showed up in the Cavalcade of Bad Nativities, I have to admit that I'm slightly surprised by this.

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This horrible light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

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It's quarter to Judas, kids! Time for dinner!

There's something about the last supper that makes people think of clocks. That's the only explanation for why there are so many last supper clocks out there.

This one lights up. Of course it does.

Another beautiful combination of words: Last Supper Hologram Clock.

Time for clunky decoupage!

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it writes itself

He's got the last supper in hiiis hands
He's got the cheapass resin in hiiis hands
He's got the hideous sculpture in his hands
He's got the last supper in his hands.

This is just so very hideous.

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do you have a license to operate that donkey?

It's kind of hard to focus on the whole Triumphal Entry thing when it looks like Jesus should be arrested for Operating A Donkey Under the Influence.

I think I'm gonna faaaalllll

2 cherubs trampled by depressed man on donkey. film at 11.

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