Angels We Have Heard
Are High

angelic kitsch...from Hell

Cavalcade of Bad Nativities
it came upon a midnight weird

The Passion of the Tchotchke
holy week kitsch-o-rama

Stations of the Kitsch


I am not responsible for the content of the above ads, which are often hilariously mis-matched.


Saturday, December 18, 2004

I heard on the internet that Bethlehem is, like, a code name for Area 51, dude

This was on ebay. It's a nightlight.

Those are aliens, right? Back in the window?
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Friday, December 17, 2004

SILver and GOLD, SILver and GOLD

These have a really creepy Rankin Bass feel to them. The giant heads and spindly little bodies...

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Thursday, December 16, 2004

weird and unnerving

They're, um, naked. Naked little trolls.

God came to earth...as a hobbit.

If you have a bunch of troll dolls sitting around, here are instructions on how to dress them up for a nativity display.
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you just know this is going to be accessorized with light-up Christmas tree light earrings

The rhinestone nativity sweatshirt.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

skooool's out for...Christmas

I can't believe the semester is over (well, the work goes on for those of us who still owe papers).

Sunday was good; I got up to chapel early to try to find a better alb since I was on torch again, and I think I succeeded. It was much less lumpy. AND I learned how to do the cool cincture slipknot, and wasn't a beat behind everyone else during the liturgy. Go me.

The fabulous vintage aluminum tree of doom is up, and it is spinning away. Dennis didn't realize that it has a motorized stand, so he got to have the wait a minute...the tree is moving moment. I realized that my old tasteful Christmas tree skirt looks wrong with it, so I'm thinking next year I'll make something involving sequins. Yes, it's very much like If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. If you give Sara a tacky tree, she will want elf heads and scary-ass felt-n-sequin tree skirts. It's just the way she is, folks.

My next challenge is getting my brain off the worry-wheel. I'm not sleeping very well, because as soon as I close my eyes, I start thinking about all the stuff I need to get done, and how little time I have in which to do that. Plus there's some bad budget shit going down at St. Ned's and I'm feeling mega-anxious about that. So I'm like a little over-caffeinated hamster with hyperactivity issues, basically, running and running in my stupid little wheel and getting nowhere. I really need to find a better way to deal with this whole anxiety-paralysis thing, because it does seem that I spend more time worrying about things than I do accomplishing things. Jesus told us not to worry, but I guess I still think he was talking to someone else.
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when the baby Jesus points to 0, your cookies are done

Also, you should probably keep your cat away from this nativity set.
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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

go play with your plagues, kids

Just to prove that weird stuff isn't only for Christians: toy plagues. I think my favorite is An icky boil on a piece of flesh, but it's so hard to choose, you know?
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I don't know about you, but I never want to have to decide if I should eat the baby Jesus feet-first or head-first.

Cookie Nativity Kit

Chocolate Nativity

And where would you keep these tasty creche-o-licious treats? How about here:

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Monday, December 13, 2004

they tried to be cheerful, but they knew the spider would be back soon

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all I'm saying is, you could think about changing a diaper once in a while

Mary looks really pissed off here.

apologies for all the big images, but if I compress them too much, you lose the horror.
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the messiah in the bubble

"So, as you can see, it wasn't really a normal delivery. Do you think you can get him out?"
"Look, I have this plant right here...how about if I just smash the stupid bubble?"
"I have never seen anything like this. I am definitely going to have to call in my supervisor. One of the archangels should be able to deal with it."
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it's Christmas...in the village of the damned

Proof that there is something worse than Pweshus Moments. And that's...knockoffs with seriously deranged lipliner.

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Sunday, December 12, 2004

the best post about cat pee you've read today

I wish this could be one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books, because then I could say that I'm going to talk about my day at skool, and ask you if you would rather hear about the open flames and the world's least flattering garment™, or the cat pee.

Let's say that you chose the cat pee, because I think statistically people tend to choose the second option.

I was in my first class, and I thought I smelled something weird. Something kind of like cat pee. The territory-marking kind. Sometimes bad kitties like to come in through the cat door and eat Clyde's tuna, and one of them peed in her basket a while back. Stupid cat. So it smelled like that. And it was coming from...my bookbag.

When I started skool, I bought a really cute pink corduroy bookbag, which had been sitting empty on the floor in the dining room for the past couple of weeks. Clyde seemed to enjoy sleeping on it at first, because it's always better to sleep on something which is incrementally higher than the floor. Well, apparently it got marked, and I was in too big a hurry to notice when I was packing it up this morning. So, now I don't have a bookbag, because, well, cat pee.

I kind of wonder how it is that I didn't notice this, but the truth is, I've kind of been sleepwalking through the ol' life this week. There could have been a giant three-horned ape in the dining room, and I probably would have just hung my keys on it.

Now I have to go throw some Nature's Miracle around.

If you picked the first option...I was a torch bearer at tonight's eucharist. Yes, they let me carry an open flame around people in flowing, flammable robes. The bare minimum for a quality eucharist is 'everyone got fed, no one got hurt,' so I hope the equivalent for torch bearing is 'no one caught on fire.' Because if you raise that a tiny bit, to say, 'the torch bearer knew what she was doing and sat in her seat and didn't fidget with her stupid alb,' then we might have a problem.

Ach. The alb. I have been an Episcopalian for a while now, and somehow I managed to avoid putting on an alb in all that time. The alb is the white robe that people who are serving at the altar wear at churches that aren't St. Ned's, where we don't really do vestments much. Some churches put everyone who goes near the altar in an alb, so the torch-folk have to wear them during school liturgies.

There is a big closet full of albs in the chapel sacristy, in a variety of sizes that somehow manage to fit no one well. I decided to go with 'slightly too long, drapes weird over the chest.' To get an idea of just how unflattering this thing is on someone with boobage, think white turtleneck. White turtleneck a couple sizes too big, since it hangs straight down from the chest. I had been idly wondering if there are maternity albs for clerics who are great with child, but since the standard model makes one look pregnant anyway, I guess it's not really an issue. Cinching it at the waist with a rope belt (cincture) is an option, but it doesn't really help the effect. The cincture has to be tied a certain way that I've never learned, so I have that to look forward to.

The deacon at tonight's eucharist had on a custom-made, more fitted alb that was actually rather flattering, so I may have to bite that really expensive bullet at some point. There are no good patterns for them or I would think about sewing it myself. Having your own alb that fits means you're a grownup.

My teachers have given me a couple of extra weeks to get my work in, so it looks like I may not have to take any official incompletes if I can crank out some papers. This is a huge relief.

It also means that this is getting a bit closer to being The Christmas That Sort of Wasn't, since I will be working on skool stuff until Christmas. My fabulous vintage aluminum tree is waiting to be put up, and I'm hoping to get to that tomorrow. I hope I can get all of my presents finished, but realistically there might be a few Epiphany presents given this year.
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I think your robe is FAAAAB-u-lous!

Is there any more beautiful combination of words in the English language than glitter nativity?

I actually bought this one on ebay, and will have it soon. It will sit under my aluminum tree and be so very festive. I love this.
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